Away

How many days did it take me to believe that nothing is going to be the same again between you and me? That I did not mean anything special to you?

Do you remember the time when you said that you are going to be with me forever? I had warned you not to make such promises because I know that we cannot keep some promises. These promises hurt. You didn't listen. You said, you were different. Every step I took towards you, my brain screamed me to stop but my heart was having too much fun. Each step I warned you. I have gone through this before. I wanted the fence around. But you just shredded them to pieces. Now I have made a wall. Strong ones. So that no one can break it again. I cannot afford to go through a similar experience. I will come apart.

Remember the time when you told me that I remind you of yourself? I was delirious with happiness. Even now I can't figure why that one statement meant so much to me. And now we don't see eye to eye. Do we? But do you know yesterday someone came up to me and told me that I resemble you. I was happy but this time the happiness hurt. Because I couldn't tell you. You wouldn't approve. You won't understand. Or will you?

Will you see a child in me? Or just an attention seeking grown-up?

The jokes. your laughter. I miss them. The easy going familiarity.Today I can't be just friends because I know there can be more. I can't settle for less. Because I have seen the possibilities. I have felt safe around you. I have felt loved. I have felt needed. I cannot go back to feeling like another face in the crowd.

I dream of the warm bed. The last time I slept in it, it was cold. If I close my eyes, I can feel you. But those are memories. They are alone now. I have locked them up and thrown away the keys. The momentary happiness in their arms ask for too heavy a price.

Remember the hours we used to talk? The number of times I called? Or the far more number of times you called? Now, I don't have topics to talk. With you. When I see you I so wish to talk to you but I turn around and walk away. I make excuses and run away. I ask your friends where you are and then fail to gather the guts to go up and talk to you. It hurts.

I know its not your fault. But trust me, it's not my fault either. It doesn't matter anyway. I still bleed. The wounds still sting. And I am still bruised. I just wish that I had never met you. Never known you. 

You took away a part of me. And I will never be able to get it back.

 Everytime I see you, I pray from my heart for another chance and know it in my hearts of hearts that I will become your slave the second you look at me and smile at me like those days. 

Everytime I see you I am stung. I am hurt. I bleed. Someday I hope I will be able to watch you, observe you without shedding the tears I now do. Everytime. Everyday.

Someday I want to move away. You hold too much of me.

This piece of writing is purely fictional. Any resemblance to any person, place, event, vehicle, is purely co-incidental.